How to Handle the Anniversary of a Death

Few people are mentally prepared to say goodbye to their loved one when the time comes. Often, death is sudden and unexpected. But even when you have had time to prepare yourself and come to terms with a death before it occurs, you will never feel particularly celebratory when the anniversary of the death draws near. For many, it is a day filled with dread and sadness.

In the year following the death of someone you love, it is common to alternate between feeling like they were just there a minute ago, to feeling like they have been gone for a lifetime. It can seem as though life is continuing on while you are frozen in place. As you grieve, you are constantly forced to make decisions like what to do with the belongings your loved one left behind and what traditions to continue without them. How to handle the anniversary of a death is just like the other difficult decisions you have been forced to make following a loss.

So, what are some ways to acknowledge a day that reminds you of such sadness? What are ways you can focus on their life instead of your loss? The answers to these questions lie within you and no one else. If you are interested in doing something to acknowledge the anniversary of a death in a small or a large way, consider these suggestions:

• Take flowers to the gravesite, memorial site, or other place where you go to remember your loved one
• Plan a memorial service or candle light vigil
• Reach out to someone else who is grieving the loss via letter, phone call, or e-mail
• Take a trip you have been planning or dreaming about
• Treat yourself to a massage or anything that makes you feel pampered
• Read old notes, letters, or emails from your loved one
• Watch their favorite movie
• Donate a few of your loved one’s old belongings to a shelter or charity, or make a charitable donation in their name
• Build a memorial with portraits and personal object that remind you of them

Of course, people will have different opinions regarding how to approach the anniversary of a death. Some members of your family may want to do something, while others are more comfortable going about the day like any other.

Most of all, when approaching the anniversary of the death, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and look within yourself to find what actions feel right. Remember, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Your grief process is as unique as you are.

Ever Wondered What Goes in to a State Funeral?

State funerals are public funerals held in honor of those who have served our country. They only occur when the family of the deceased has agreed to the honor and are comfortable including the public in commemorating the accomplishments of their loved one. In the U.S., state funerals are also held for president elects, sitting presidents, former presidents, and anyone with national significance. Tradition and protocol are important in these ceremonies, but the details and sequence of events are often left to the family to decide.
There are so many details that go into one of these celebrations of life: Armed Forces pallbearers, various 21-gun salutes, musical pieces from military bands and choirs, and a military chaplain for the immediate family. Most of these details are planned years in advance. For presidents, these decisions are made once they leave office.

The Military District of Washington has the primary responsibility of conducting all state funerals and follows the procedure laid out in a 138-page planning document. A flag-draped casket is customary and is pulled in the ceremonial funeral procession by six horses of the same color. The procession is composed of National Guard, active-duty, academy, and reserve personnel that represent the five branches of the United States Armed Forces, and the casket is followed by a rider-less horse.

The procession begins in sight of the White House and travels to the U.S. Capitol, usually ending at the east front of the Capitol. Interestingly, the only exception to this was the funeral of Ronald Reagan who, as former governor of California, requested that he be carried up the steps which face west, overlooking California.

Upon the casket’s arrival at the rotunda of the U.S. Capitol, a short service (the official “state funeral”) is held with members of Congress present. Afterwards, the casketed remains stay in the Capitol and lie in state for public viewing. Lying in state is an honor that is only granted to presidents, military commanders, and members of Congress. The honor guard, whose members represent each of the armed services, maintain a vigil over the remains throughout the period of time they lie in state. Public viewing is allowed continuously until one hour before the departure ceremony.

The last major event is a national memorial service held in Washington, D.C with various foreign dignitaries and government officials in attendance. Immediately after the service is completed, the casketed remains travel to their final resting place for burial.

When it comes to state funerals, no detail is too small. But the most important thing is that the public stops to recognize the incredible sacrifices this person has made on behalf of our country.

Fun ways to Celebrate Easter & Passover

Spring has sprung! And whether you are looking forward to Easter, Passover, or both, there are plenty of ways to get the whole family involved in the celebration. Both holidays are rich in important history and tradition and revolve around the gathering of family and friends. And the more the kids and grandkids are involved, the more they will enjoy the day and look forward to next year! Here are some ideas to spark creativity:

Easter

• Paint a small Alice In Wonderland-style door and attach it to a tree trunk. The little ones will be thrilled when they see the Easter Bunny has moved in!
• Make the search for Easter baskets a little more challenging by writing clues on a puzzle the kids must assemble to read and follow.
• Forget messy dyes, and use colorful chalk to decorate your eggs.
• Make homemade “Bunny Bait” snack mix with pretzels, peanuts, chocolate candies, and cereal.
• Make your Easter eggs glow in the dark with small glow sticks you can find at any dollar discount store.
• Leave Easter bunny tracks on your walkway with a homemade stencil and some powdered sugar.

Passover

• Put a sweet spin on matzah by making easy matzah “bark” with melted chocolate and caramel.
• Pass around paper bags with representations for each plague: plastic grasshoppers for locusts, ping-pong balls for hail, etc. Get creative!
• Go around the table so everyone can share their favorite Passover memory or favorite part of the Seder.
• Let the kids decorate their own Akifoman bag with fabric paint and glitter glue.
• Use colorful paint to decorate a cup for Elijah.
• Parsley is crucial on the Seder plate. Why not plan ahead this year and teach your kids about gardening by growing some in your house?

Both holidays represent a time of reflection, but also the rejuvenation of spring. The most important thing is that you spend the day gathered with the ones you love. These fun activities are just a bonus!

Closing its petals at night and reopening them with each new sunrise, the lotus is a fitting symbol of eternal life.

Considered sacred to many civilizations, it was frequently pictured in art and architecture of the highest caliber. It came to be recognized as the mark of distinction. In ancient Egyptian mythology, it was said that several gods were born out of lotus flowers. People derived strength, power and faith from the symbol and decorated their homes with lotus blooms. Serving as an important symbol of creation, rebirth and regeneration, ancient Egyptians wove funerary garlands out of the flower with the hope that the deceased will one day be born again.

The lotus is also affiliated with several gods and goddesses in Hindu culture. Brahma, The Creator, was born sitting in a lotus flower and other gods and goddesses are often depicted sitting or standing on a lotus. It is believed that the flower is a part of our soul, deep within each of us. It is only found when we reach a higher level of consciousness and can stand on our own, unaffected by material possessions or earthly wealth. Padmasana, or the lotus pose, in yoga is connected with this search for higher consciousness.

Similarly, in Buddhism, the lotus represents enlightenment, purification and faithfulness. As humans, we are born into a world of pain and suffering (represented by the muddy waters surrounding lotus flowers) but like the flower, we have the ability to rise above the muck, purify ourselves and achieve enlightenment. Those who maintain steady faith and resist evil will break through the mud. This monumental shift in thinking is considered our spiritual rebirth. The image of a closed lotus bloom represents our journey to enlightenment; it will open when we find enlightenment and self-awareness.

While the lotus flower itself has different meanings in various cultures and religions, its colors also signify different virtues:

• White: purity
• Red: love and compassion
• Blue: wisdom and logic
• Purple: spirituality
• Gold: spiritual ascension

We are inspired by the power of the lotus- undeterred by its murky surroundings, it emerges each morning, just as beautiful as the morning before. Beyond this, it is enduring. A seed can last thousands of years without water and still germinate.

For us, the lotus is our symbol of commitment and our pledge of excellence to the community.

With people living longer, many of us are blessed to have more time with the older members of our families. It is important to make the most of this time by engaging with them, listening to their stories and learning from their experiences. We’ve put together a list of 15 different questions to ask loved ones to get the ball rolling!

• Who were your heroes or role models growing up?
• What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given?
• Do you remember your first date?
• What makes a relationship work?
• Do you remember how you felt when you were told you were going to be a parent or grandparent?
• What advice would you give to new parents?
• Has there ever been a time when you’ve felt pure happiness?
• What’s your biggest pet peeve?
• How do you handle stress or difficult times?
• What advice would you give to a young adult finding his/her way in the world?
• Did you have a childhood fear?
• What was your most embarrassing moment?
• What sort of things did you do with your family growing up?
• What family traditions or heirlooms would you like passed down?
• Is there something you want to cross off your bucket list?

Don’t be afraid to dive beyond the typical “Where were you when…?” or biographical questions. You might be surprised with what you find!

Books have the powerful potential to help us make sense of or come to grips with difficult times in our lives. At our funeral home, we have a diverse selection of books written to help people of all ages understand their grief after the loss of a loved one. Below are a few of our favorites to read with children, but we find they are inspiring at any age.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf
Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D.

Many of us find it difficult to wrap our heads around the delicate balance between life and death. We often ponder what life is all about and wonder, “What comes next?” Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. offers a beautiful and comforting solution to these questions in the classic picture book, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages. The stunningly simple story follows the life of a leaf named Freddie and his friends as they pass through the seasons of life on their tree. One of our favorites for over 30 years, this is a must-read for anyone who has experienced a permanent loss.

What’s Heaven?
Maria Shriver

Pulling on her personal experiences following the loss of her grandmother, Rose Kennedy, author Maria Shriver sets out to explain to children what happens after a loved one dies. Complete with beautifully soothing illustrations, this book is perfect to read with children who are processing a loss. It is also a useful resource for caregivers wondering how to approach the topics of death and funerals with their kids.

Poppy’s Chair
Karen Hesse

In Poppy’s Chair, Karen Hesse illustrates the importance of grieving together and sharing happy memories of our departed loved ones. She weaves a touching story about a young girl visiting her grandmother the summer after her grandfather died. The girl is not sure how she is supposed to have fun and do all the things they used to do each summer without her grandfather. Her grandmother explains that it’s okay to feel sad and miss her “Poppy” but they can still have fun and honor his memory by talking about him and doing all of the things they used to do as a trio. Poppy’s Chair is a good book to read with children in the weeks and months following a funeral.

A Story for Hippo: A Book about Loss
Simon Puttock and Alison Bartlett

A Story for Hippo explores the grieving process as Monkey mourns the loss of his best friend, Hippo. A simple and sweet story, Monkey learns how to work through his grief and honor Hippo’s memory by sharing her stories. Packed with big, colorful illustrations, this book is perfect to read with toddlers and young children.

Looking for more resources or suggestions? Feel free to reach out to us at (973) 239-2060.

In one way or another, most U.S. families have been affected by cancer. After years of awareness campaigns, we as a society are pretty cognizant of the devastating impact that cancer has on patients and their loved ones as well as the importance of early detection. So let’s go a step beyond awareness and think about how we can support cancer patients and their caregivers.

1. Write Letters:

Being diagnosed with cancer and undergoing treatment is downright scary. Dropping off handmade cards or letters of encouragement to treatment centers or hospitals can go a long way in brightening someone’s day. Knowing that someone cares and remembers is like a light in the darkest hour.

2. Be Specific:

If a friend or relative is diagnosed with cancer and you want to help, try to be specific about how you plan to help. Offer your help by taking the kids to soccer, vacuuming the house, bringing dinner over on Sundays, etc. Everyday tasks will become big chores for this family. If you really would like to help, be specific about what you can do to save them the stress of asking. With everything going on in their world, they may forget an open-ended offer entirely.

3. Know Where Your Donation Goes:

If you would like to donate more than time, that’s wonderful! Just be sure you know where your donation is going. Some companies and organizations are rather ambiguous about how charitable contributions are spent. Consider donating to specific research initiatives or organizations that focus on patient support.

There are also smaller, local organizations that make a big impact on their community. For example, in Verona we have Minette’s Angels, a foundation named for longtime resident, Minette Grosso McKenna, which provides assistance to local breast cancer patients and scholarships for Verona students pursuing a degree in Nursing. Find out what your area has to offer by searching online or checking with your local health department.

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list but just a few examples of how we can show others our support. It doesn’t have to take a lot to make a big difference!

For ages headstones have told stories with inscriptions and symbols. In light of St. Patrick’s Day, we took a closer look at some old Irish headstones and what their engravings mean: